30 Days of Truth – Day 4

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

God, how come this question had to come up.  Forgive something that someone did to me.  I’ve actually thought and thought all week about this one.  There are 2 things that have come to mind.  But both of them are things I’ve held in that deepest, darkest place in my heart.  I don’t even know if I can talk about them here.

  Breathing, Breathing.

  I guess I could turn the comments off so I don’t get any hate comments.  But that wouldn’t be right either.  

Ok.  Here goes.

I need to forgive a male person that when I was young, talked me into forced me into letting him take pictures of me without my underwear on.  I knew it was wrong.  I was a private girl.  I was about 10 or 11.  But this was someone I trusted.  Surely he wouldn’t make me do something that was wrong.  I even remember him locking the doors and closing the blinds.  Got out his camera made me sit on the floor and open my legs. 

I look back on it now and wonder if he really had film in his camera.  In the days when I was little, the camera’s would “flash” even if there was no film. 

I guess I should be grateful that it didn’t happen in this day and age.  My naked little vagina for all the world to see. 

I try to forgive him.  But I can’t.  And I won’t.  I know it is preached to forgive and forget.  But some things in life just can’t.  It affected me in a lot of ways in my life that looking back, are a result of “not feeling worthy”.  God, I hate that the worst!

Maybe, just maybe, putting it out here, will ease some of the pain it brings me when I think about it.  Yes, 40 years later, it is still a scary subject for me.  My husband is the only person that I have ever told about this.  I love him for trying to make me understand that it was nothing that I did. 

 

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One Response to 30 Days of Truth – Day 4

  1. Ginger says:

    hmmmmm this one will be a hard one for me too. i still have torturous dreams of the things that happened to me. i know i have forgiven and moved on but something usually triggers the memories and i cant sleep. sorry for your pain and i hope you are able to move forward. it was most definitely not your fault.

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